ta-ta.

I can't really decide what to do with this site right now. Since joining the mass of unemployed in America, I find myself craving a more social on-line setting. So for the time being, I'll be blogging at my friend's web site, Diamond Dusted and Rhine Stoned. Enjoy.

1958-???

d+d joke center.

Doug and Denver's comedy night at Big Fish manages to be a hundred times more compelling on This American Life than it has ever been in person. I appreciate how the video acknowledges that they always seem embarrassed by the existence of the show, and yet continue to do it. Frankly though, I think that Billy Dilly (the inebriate seen in the last few moments of the clip) would have made just as interesting a segment.

recollection - the marks.

When I was a man-cub of 17, I worked at the Blockbuster video in the Loehmann's mini-mall at roughly the corner of Tampa and Victory in Reseda. Of the myriad bizarre encounters I experienced there (which could easily justify their own blog, as justification for a blog amounts to nothing more than the Cartesian affirmation, "I think therefore...") none were more memorable than my daily interactions with Mark. Mark were identical twins, both named Mark, who were on a mission to write an everyman guide to 15,000 motion pictures, ironic since they weren't like anymen I had ever known. I never did establish why that 15,000 number was relevant, maybe that was how many movies blockbuster had available for rent at any given time. All I know is that they would occasionally spange at the Mobil station that sat catty-corner from my workplace, and would then bring their winnings to the video store and would rent at least one movie a day. It took me a while to figure out that there were two of them, since they didn't usually come in together. There was also a mystical third Mark (we never met), who was adopted and black, and whose affiliations were known only through his use of the same rental account (their mothers).



I left that job, and then left the valley, and as time wore on, the memory of the Marks drifted from my mind. But I was recently reintroduced to them via my friend and former co-worker Joe, who discovered Marks's youtube channel and forwarded it to me. It isn't totally clear to me if these videos consist of one or both Marks, but what is apparent is that Mark(s) is(/are) obsessed with Miley Cyrus, and all of the videos are shot at Burger King. Enjoy.

earotica.

I kind of love cleaning my ears. If you don' know what I'm talking about, then earwax is gross and I'm totally just kidding. But if you get what I mean, then read on.

I don't know if Freud ever discussed an aural stage, but I definitely went through one and it has become a latent fixation of sorts. When I swab, I don't just tease the perimeter of the antihelix. I get deep into each ear canal, double penetrating my skull, and turn slowly, counterclockwise, so I can feel the little swab fibers dragging along the nerve endings there. The sensation is so orgasmic that the motion actually cranks my head upwards, and I stare at the drooping spots in the ceiling paint that have been caused by overflowing water from the bathroom in the upstairs unit. I've actually considered conducting this ritual outside, so that I could stare at the heavens while I work, and also to spare my girlfriend the jarring experience of stumbling into the bathroom in the morning to find me with my hands in my ears and my eyes rolled back in my head, jaw occasionally dangling.

The problem with this indulgence is that, like most things that make life worth living, it can kill you (see here). Enter United States Patent 5147288. The cotton swab with depth prevention mechanism:

A cotton swab, comprising: an ear canal engaging portion of a small enough diameter to fit within and clean the inside surface of an ear canal...the ear cavity enlarging portion serving to prevent depth penetration of the ear canal engaging portion beyond a predetermined length....



Registered in 1992, the seventeen year protection on this patent is about to expire, and I urge any and all producers of cotton swabs to take note. I will be the first in line at CVS to acquire these wonders, which I have not been able to find anywhere.

cute.

Pink port-a-potty.

michel gondry portraits.

A month or two ago, there was an option on Michel Gondry's web site that allowed you to send a photo and 20 dollars in exchange for a caricature of the photo, drawn by Gondry (It has now been raised to a $100 purchase with his new DVD compilation). I'm not a huge fan of his work, but I thought the idea was cute, so I sent in photos of Genevieve and myself. I thought we were going to receive simple pen and paper drawings, so when I got the watercolor and sharpie interpretations below I was able to forgive him for making me blond and bearded, and for making my girlfriend look like a man (sorry Gen, I'll take it down if you want). Besides, he nailed my pointy elf ear. Sorry for the crappy cell-phone pictures.


The originals:





and the drawings: